unbelievable, i am so tired but i can't sleep. i haven't experienced insomnia before, but if this is it - it sucks! everything in me tells me to sleep, but my brain won't shut down. it does for small intervals, but not nearly long enough. those of you that know me well, know that if asked "what's your favorite thing to do?" i'd say, "sleep." so why can't i? ...
my mind is full of so many things. i feel as if i am starting to spin out of control; something i was afraid was going to happen. i'm looking forward to vacation, but am afraid i'll be too far gone, mentally, to even enjoy it. the things i need to accomplish keep piling up, but my time to actually get them done is diminishing. and now with the kids out of school for the summer, yikes, no time to do things has become 'you better find time, even if it means not sleeping'. there's my answer ... i think ... but come on, no one will want to be around me if i don't sleep. i guess God is teaching me a lesson on time management. a lesson i need but better learn quickly because i don't know how much more i can take.
i feel like i am being beat up in all areas of my life. mentally, too much stuff rolling around in my brain to make sense out of any of it. physically, i'm not at a weight i'm comfortable with, i don't have any time to do anything about it and if i do i'm just too spent to actually work-out. emotionally, forget it. that may be where i'll hit rock bottom first. everything from the kids, to friends, to marriage - not that any of them are out of control -well, the kids maybe- ;) but being the tie that bids each one together is a tie i am beginning to lose my grip on. spiritually, if my faith wasn't in Jesus Christ, the God and author of my life, i'd already be in the fetal position, in the corner, sucking my thumb.
... and i haven't even started on my guilt issues ... and i won't ... at least not now.
thanks for listening ... i've got to go start making lists of things i need to get done.
nic
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3 comments:
Hang in there Nic - you can do this!!!
Hey Nic. Just take a long deep breath. One thing at a time. You will be just fine.
hey nic, i know that we really never got to know each other at lcc but i can tell you from experience to do just that ,take that long hard deep breath,,,i was just recently in your shoes and did hit bottom and put both myself and brandon in a very bad situation....you just have to shut down for awhile and let someone else deel with things for awhile...easier said than done but deeply needed....let GOD handle all the other things,,,give them up to HIM...isnt that what we are supposed to do ....stop trying to have that big red "S" on your chest....take care of yourself first ,if not you cant be there or help anyone else....you have to maake yourself number one...please take care .....and dont even start on the guilt.let that go completely......keeping you in prayer ..rick..balch....
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