torn

today i feel pulled in too many directions. how do i choose between financial stability and my kids wellbeing? i may be being a little over dramatic, but i am finding that i am the one that has to compromise my ideals that i wanted for our family. let me explain ...

i don't know how to start, so i just write ...

i really like the 1 house we looked at. so much so that we went back to look at it again last night and i have talked with the landlord a couple times. i know, it sounds a little ridiculous to have only looked at one place. but really, it fulfills all my expections ... SAFE neighborhood, BIG backyard (by CA standards), and GREAT schools (ranking 8 and 9). one (or 2) simple facts remain, we haven't sold our house (sidenote - we did receive a LOW offer, so we have countered ... outcome still to be determined). and carlos is only employed P/T. so our choices become ... stay in fontana, where the rent is free, carlos commutes an hour one way, kids are in a sub-par school and must move after a year (which many of you know i did not want to budge on that one. i really feel strongly about NOT moving the kids from school to school), and really the kids (and myself) don't feel as if we are home (not that carlos' family isn't doing a superb job of makng us feel at home - but you know what i mean, right?) OR we rent this house in lakewood, overextending ourselves financially (until, of course our house sells, carlos is F/T and i pick up a P/T job), but have security in knowing that our kids are safe, getting a good education and are in a neighborhood that we will be in for years to come because it is so close to the church (thus no shuffling of schools), we would have a good size (gated) backyard where the kids can play and i will know that they are safe (also, a very important transition ideal i had). i don't believe this a decision that we have to make right now (although i am afraid of losing the chance of getting this house), but a decision that will have to be made soon because i will need to register the kids for school somewhere. SO, we have a few weeks to process and would love your continued prayers and input (craig, i just read your email and will do some research - thanks for the info.). God is moving, i feel that, i just want to make a decision that will not hurt our family one way or another.

thanks for reading and i hope i'm not coming across as whiny or doubtful ... just processing, that's all.
nic